Chain Reaction
by paintedbynumbers
Summary: A pair of shiny new handcuffs and an overexcited Detective Gumshoe leaves Edgeworth in a rather compromised position. Forced to swallow his pride, he grudgingly turns to a certain spiky-haired ace attorney for help...platonic PxE fluff.


"Given this decisive evidence, the court finds the defendant, Joe King, guilty." The judge slammed down his gavel. "Court is adjourned."

Smirking coolly at the dishevelled defense attorney opposite him, Miles Edgeworth swept his documents into one neat pile, snapped his briefcase shut and strode out of the courtroom doors. It had been a straightforward yet unbelievably dreary trial, and he couldn't wait to get back to the office to round off the morning with a soothing cup of Earl Grey tea before his afternoon meeting with the Chief Prosecutor.

"We did it again, sir! Whoooooooooop!" a tattered pair of green sleeves greeted him out in the hallway.

Edgeworth sighed and brushed Gumshoe's zealous arms away. "Kindly refrain from smothering my line of vision with your scruffy rags please, Detective. I'm sure you have your own reasons for causing this childish racket, but I'm afraid I have more pressing matters to occupy myself with at this present moment. Now, if you'll excuse me--"

"Hey, Edgeworth!"

_Damn it. What are the chances I can slip away feigning temporary deafness?_

"Yo, Edgey! Wait up!"

_Uh oh.Not good. Something smells, which can only mean..._

"Larry," Edgeworth suppressed a sigh. He turned to give each person a curt nod of recognition. "And Miss Fey...Pearl... Wright."

"Did you just finish? How was it?" Phoenix asked eagerly.

"Guilty, of course," Edgeworth shrugged. "The defense was staggeringly abysmal, even for my low expectations of their attorneys nowadays."

"Bet you wouldn't be so smug if it had been _me _in that courtroom today, huh?" Phoenix grinned. "You're lucky I had my own client down the corridor..."

"Nonsense," Edgeworth said. "The defendant's case was so laden with holes I didn't know where to begin. Possibly the easiest verdict the Judge has been able to hand down in a long time."

"He's right pal," Gumshoe cut in fervently. "The chief says Mr. Edgeworth here is possibly the best tool we've had these past years at putting the city's criminals in jail!"

"He must be so proud," Phoenix laughed, noticing the immediate chagrin that flooded Edgeworth's face at being referred to as a 'tool of the police'. "What is it, _Miles_? Do I sense an objection about to be raised, hmm?"

"Wright, if you have a point to make--"

"Hey, dude, what's that shiny silver thing you've got?" Larry interjected wisely.

"Oh, this?" Gumshoe pulled out a sleek pair of metal handcuffs from his tattered coat pocket and proudly held them up in the air. "This baby here's our greatest gadget yet!" Gumshoe declared. "A beauty she is too, the greatest treasure of the Police force in my opinion! Well, at least until Maggey has the baby anyway, he'll be out in less than a month now…" he trailed off with an embarrassed grin.

"Ah. My belated congratulations to you, Detective," Edgeworth said flatly. _I ought to book the poor child a year's worth of trauma counselling sessions in advance…_

"Yaaaay! Mr. Scruffy's finally going to have a baby!" Pearl cried gleefully. "What are you going to name him? Mr. Scruffy Junior?"

"Well pal, Maggey and I haven't really got around to thinking of names yet…Just thought we'd go with the flow when the little fella pops out, you know?"

"You should name him Romeo, Mr. Scruffy!" Pearl said. "Then when Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick have _their _baby, they can name her Juliet, and Romeo and Juliet can get married and live happily ever after!" She clutched her chin in her hands and sighed wistfully.

"…Ah now, Pearls…" Phoenix trailed off. _What, now she's moving onto my undeveloped spawn?_

"Huh? How d'you know it'll be a girl? Can you spirit medium people see the future too?" Larry asked, clearly impressed.

_Argh Larry you idiot, don't encourage her! _

Maya had turned the shade of Edgeworth's suit. "C-Come on Pearly, Detective Gumshoe's son can't have a wussy name like 'Romeo'! He's going to be the son of a _crime _fighter! It's gotta be something manly…and tough…like Angus!"

"…_Angus_?!" Phoenix could only repeat in horror.

"Yeah, you know, like the steak? It'll be very masculine and _beefy, _haha! Or there's also Kobe…"

"Maya, what the hell is your obsession with steak?!"

"Ah, see pal, I don't think that will really work out with Maggey...she's sort of had to become a vegetarian with my frequent salary cuts and all...it's been pretty much ramen and doughnuts these past months…"

_Was I always doomed to be burdened with such idiots for company? _Edgeworth scowled, glancing down at his watch. It was still quarter to 1. If he hurried, he might still be able to make that much needed tea before the Chief's meeting. That was, _if _he could somehow escape this crowd of buffoons.

"Anyway, you're wrong, Pearl! If Nick and Maya are ever going to have a kid, they should name her after my darling Gisele! She's the sexiest, most _gorgeous _babe in the world I tell you, phwoooar, I mean I thought Stacy was pretty cute, but Gisele, she's something else altogether, those legs of hers! I swear I could just stare at them all day…"

"Nick and I are _not _going to have a baby!"

"You never know the truth till it hits you, princess! Why just last week I was convinced I'd finally found true love with Adriana and that we'd be sailing round on our honeymoon cruise by next week, but then off she goes, jetsetting back to Brazil with all her other model boyfriends! Why me, Nick, _why?!"_

_Now, if I can just creep here behind Wright's back without anyone noticing, I'll have a clear path to the exit…_

"…And it's all thanks to YOU, Mr. Edgeworth sir!" Gumshoe bellowed, his eyes shining with fervent admiration.

_Why do these fools insist on blocking me off from my Earl Grey at every possible opportunity? _

"Ahem, Detective. I hope you are not attempting to connect me to the cause of this deluded fool's pathetically misguided ventures of romance in any way. Such baseless conjecture... does not sit well in my books."

Gumshoe looked terrified. "Of course I wasn't er, connecting you to anything sir! I was just talking about these, sir!" He waved the silver handcuffs in the air again.

"I fail to understand your fixation with a simple pair of handcuffs. As a member of the Police Force owning a pair of those should be little more than part of the job description, Detective."

"Ah but sir, you don't understand. These are our best and brightest yet! Our greatest new secret weapon!"

"Even greater than that old fishing rod we were meant to catch Gourdy with?" Phoenix grinned.

"You bet, pal. These lovelies here, they're not just _any _pair ofstandard police cuffs. They've been specially imported from Russia by the chief himself."

"And what exactly is so er... special about them, Detective Gumshoe?" Maya asked, glancing up at his hands nervously. Phoenix suspected she was thinking back to when her own wrists had been bound by a very similar looking pair of cuffs on her several trips down to the Detention Center.

"They're _invincible_, pal," Gumshoe declared proudly. "Those bad guys won't know what hit 'em. Little Maggey here-- " Pearl giggled and Edgeworth scoffed "—there isn't a thing that can break her unless you've got the key. She's acid-proof, rust-proof, water-proof, heat-proof, shock-proof, hammer-proof, saw-proof..."

"I'll bet they're even _Edgey-_proof!" Larry snickered.

"Careful Larry," Phoenix chuckled at Edgeworth's steely glare. "They might be, but you're definitely not."

"...Sand-proof, ice-proof, bomb-proof, bullet-proof, razor-proof, laser-proof, bug-proof..."

One glance at his watch showed that he would be lucky to make the meeting on time, let alone stop over for a tea break. Now assured that his lunch break had been quite ruined, Edgeworth had only one question on his mind. "It terrifies me to ask this Detective, but how on earth did this fearsome new weapon land in your questionably reliable hands?"

"All because of you, sir," Gumshoe repeated, his eyes shining. "Lately we've been capturing one criminal after another, and with your help we've managed to put them all behind bars! After the trial today the Chief gave me these as a reward for another successful arrest sir! I—I've never received an award for good work before sir, thank you!"

"Wow Mr. Edgeworth, you're almost like a hero! The Steel Samurai of Detective Gumshoe's own personal Neo Olde Tokyo!" Maya gaped, her eyes sparkling.

"S-Steel Samurai...? Nonsense..." he stammered, flushing a little.

"Hey those things look pretty cool," Phoenix commented, peering closer at the cuffs. "Maybe I should get a pair for the office. Spruce up our image a bit."

"A bit ostentatious don't you think, Wright?"

"This coming from the guy has his own frilly Prosecutor outfit framed on his office wall?" Phoenix smirked. "I just reckon if we had some _defences _of some sort, we wouldn't keep getting punched or stun gunned or put into other forms of mortal peril whenever we meet the bad guys during our investigations."

"As I recall, Wright, it was _your _voluntary decision to run across a burning bridge over a wildly raging river during the Hazakura case."

"Yeah, well, er, maybe Maya wouldn't have to _be_ rescued all the time if she had a pair of these handy!" Phoenix retorted eagerly. "Just one click and 'whoop!' one-nil for Wright and Co."

"..."

"..."

"...W-What?" Phoenix stammered nervously.

"Dude Nick, do you know how much of a dork you sound like right now?"

Edgeworth nodded grimly.

_Did Edgeworth just agree with LARRY? Surely it wasn't THAT terrible of a joke! _

Gumshoe was simply chuffed at Phoenix's attention. "Well you can look but not touch pal, you know what I'm saying? According to the Chief, she'd probably cost me a lifetime of the finest instant noodles as it is, but I say she's worth it! Here, hold out your hands pal, feel how light she is--"

And that's when it happened.

_DADADAAADADADAPADAPDAAAA, _shrieked the Steel Samurai theme song from Phoenix's pocket.

"Gah!" Phoenix yelped, jolting backwards past Edgeworth's unsuspecting body.

"WAH!" responded Gumshoe, stumbling forwards in shock and scrabbling not to drop his precious Maggey.

_Click, _went the handcuffs as they securely fastened themselves around Gumshoe's accidental target.

Silence, as everyone froze and turned to face the man who now displayed in perfect visual clarity, the meaning of the phrase 'Demon Prosecutor'.

"Unlock me…_now._"


End file.
